Once, I had meaning in life. To find God. To find eternal bliss. To find out how to live that life that would bring eternal reward in the end, no matter how painful things seem to be at the moment.
Now, I have no such goal. I know the above are all impossible. It's like trying to find the fountain of life all your life only to discover, after a long search, that there is no such thing.
The worse thing is that there is nothing more meaningful now to look forward to.
I now have to be contented with the little things in life. Everything else seems meaningless and petty compared to the lofty goals I once had.
Friday, June 5, 2009
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11 comments:
I don't get this. Reality is meaningless and petty, and seeking after an unattainable fantasy is meaningfull?
I feel that way a bit sometimes, but just like when I was a Christian, I usually feel discouraged when circumstances are going poorly, and feel happy when things are going well. Hope you find yourself surprised by things to look forward to.
Uzza,
Yeah, like some fiction can be meaningful too, in the sense that it is full of meaning. And at that time,I had thought that the fantasy was actually attainable.
Of course now, it's totally meaningless to me as I now know for sure that not only is it unattainable, it was pure fantasy in the first place. But even in that sense, I would seem to have lost the meaning. The meaning is now lost to me. Even though it was a fictional meaning in the first place, I had at first thought that it was non-fiction.
Reality is more meaningful to me now. It's just that the new reality does not seem to be as meaningful as the old reality.
Have you ever been a Christian before? Perhaps it's only something you would understand if you had spent 99% of your life living that fantasy and only in the recent 1% of your life are you adjusting to the new reality.
ATTR,
Thanks for the well-wishes. Yeah, I think as time goes by, I will gradually be able to learn to look forward to new things, and have new goals and purposes in life. It's an adjustment thing. I hope.
I still don't get it, but your answer is a good one. To me, it makes no more sense for life to have a meaning than for a chair to have meaning, but you seem to think of it more as having a mission (in the military sense), or a job or goal.
Although I never bought the christianity I was raised in, I have had experiences of believing in lofty goals that turn out to be BS. It leaves you kind of lost at sea (where you are now?) Until you realize that the little things, being real, are loftier, bigger, than the big things. How lofty or petty they are is up to you.
Thanks, Uzza. Yeah, nowadays I try to take delight in the little things of life. Getting used to it. And over time, there are more and more little things to look forward to.
In any case, delighting in little things is still better and a happier thing than delighting in so-called 'big things' that are actually fictional and not real at all.
Here is an idea, look forward to working hard to pay for your kids' college education. After that, to babysit grandkids.
Is that good or bad, I wonder?
Reality is more meaningful to me now. It's just that the new reality does not seem to be as meaningful as the old reality.
I wonder if by "meaningful" you mean "exciting".
Being a Christian is like being a protagonist in a scifi movie: devil, demons, angels, warfare, raptures, judgments, saviours in white horses, etc.
I have to agree with you. Without all that, all the drama is gone, and we must realize we are just people. It takes a while to realize that we are not that "special." Doesn't it?
"Here is an idea, look forward to working hard to pay for your kids' college education. After that, to babysit grandkids."
Those those exactly sound like grand ideas.
"I wonder if by "meaningful" you mean "exciting".
Being a Christian is like being a protagonist in a scifi movie: devil, demons, angels, warfare, raptures, judgments, saviours in white horses, etc.
I have to agree with you. Without all that, all the drama is gone, and we must realize we are just people. It takes a while to realize that we are not that "special." Doesn't it?"
I think you're right, I miss those exciting days. I have a much lesser thirst for knowledge nowadays. I was always hoping that some nugget of information would finally lead me to the ultimate truth. Now I know there's no such thing. And yes, that we are just a little lower than angels sounds like an intriguing idea as opposed to the idea that we're just risen apes. The ordinariness of it all is a bit of a shock, delayed, after becoming more and more of an atheist.
You could "realize you're not that special",
or
you could realize you are special, and everything else is just as special as you are.
It's pretty exciting.
Okay..., that's certainly possible. I'm discovering that I'm pretty special; I'm just not certain that everyone around me is all that special too.
You'll all just have to convince me. =-D
You wrote: "Now, I have no such goal. I know the above are all impossible. It's like trying to find the fountain of life all your life only to discover, after a long search, that there is no such thing."
In my blog (bloganders.blogspot.com ;left menu) I have an article that proves the existence of an Intelligent Creator and His purpose of humankind (the meaning of life) using formal logic (i.e. a rational proof) and science.
Thus it is not impossible to find the meaning of life...
Anders Branderud
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